i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
