I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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