next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
