you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Found your dick twin last night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
