Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
