I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
