I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
