I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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