Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
