would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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