I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
