Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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