I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
