how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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