I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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