Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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