so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
