He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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