i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
