it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize