I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
