He told me they were just razor bumps!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
