I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
