i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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