I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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