Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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