how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
