i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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