Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
