And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
