i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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