So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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