I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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