And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
