Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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