I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
