I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
