Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the day after is always just damage control
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
