HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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