I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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