$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
