I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
