I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i believe in u and ur pee
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
