We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
