Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How's work?
Spinning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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