Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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