I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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