He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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