broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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