u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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