you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
