wakey wakey hands off snakey
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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