She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
