I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize