I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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