i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
