I haven't been this sober since birth.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
