isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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