nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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