My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
