she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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