You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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