Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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