I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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