i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
