if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
