So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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