At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
