return my video game
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
