i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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